We the People — Est. 1776 (Spiritually)
Accountability is not a luxury good. The ruling class won't police itself. History has entered the chat.
— We, The People
Days since Epstein "didn't kill himself" & still no full accountability
∞
...and counting
0
Exposed clients in prison
535
Members of Congress
~50%
Became lobbyists after "serving"
0
Wall St. execs jailed for 2008
A non-exhaustive list of why The People are angry
Members of Congress consistently outperform the stock market. They trade on non-public information, pass laws that benefit their portfolios, and wrote themselves an exemption from insider trading laws for decades.
A convicted sex trafficker with ties to presidents, princes, billionaires, and tech moguls. He died in federal custody under "suspicious circumstances." Years later, the full client list remains sealed. Ask yourself why.
In America, we don't call it corruption — we call it "lobbying." Corporations spend billions annually to write the laws that govern us. Citizens United made corporations people. Actual people became an afterthought.
Steal $100 from a gas station: 5 years. Steal $100 billion from the economy: golden parachute and a book deal. Not a single major Wall Street executive went to prison for the 2008 financial crisis that destroyed millions of lives.
The agencies meant to protect us are run by the industries they regulate. Former pharma execs run the FDA. Former bankers run the Treasury. The fox doesn't just guard the henhouse — he built it.
Left vs. Right. Red vs. Blue. While we fight each other over culture wars, they quietly agree on one thing: protecting their own power and wealth. The real divide isn't horizontal — it's vertical. Us vs. Them.
American-made instruments for a new era of accountability
The people's guillotine. American white oak frame. Carbon steel blade. No lobbyists, no bailouts, no golden parachutes. Just clean, democratic accountability at a price the working class can afford.
$1,776
A revolutionary price for a revolutionary tool
American white oak — grown in the heartland
Carbon steel blade — 45° angle, hand-sharpened
Assembly in under 30 minutes (unlike Congressional reform)
Includes artisan-woven basket — made in America
Named for the 68 square miles where democracy goes to die. Damascus steel blade, brass fittings, engravable nameplate. Accommodates up to 535 names. Coincidence? We think not.
$4,776
Financing available — unlike healthcare
Damascus steel blade — museum quality
Brass fittings with constitutional engravings
Engravable nameplate (up to 535 names)
Velvet-lined basket in Congressional blue
Certificate of Patriotic Accountability
Our limited edition. Tropical hardwood frame. Gold-plated mechanisms. The blade is etched with flight log motifs. Only 69 will ever be made. You know exactly why. Don't pretend you don't.
$17,089
Limited to 69 units — no waitlist for once
Tropical mahogany from a very specific island
24K gold-plated release mechanism
Blade etched with flight manifest motifs
Comes with a "client list" of suggested uses
White glove delivery (not that kind of white glove)
You Already Know
We don't need to tell you what happened on that island. We don't need to explain why the powerful protect the powerful. We don't need to name names — the flight logs already did.
What we do need is for you to never, ever stop asking questions. Never stop sharing. Never stop demanding answers. They're counting on your silence. Don't give it to them.
"I've known Jeff for fifteen years. Terrific guy. He's a lot of fun to be with. It is even said that he likes beautiful women as much as I do, and many of them are on the younger side."— A very well-known American, 2002
A federal prisoner under 24-hour surveillance in a maximum security facility somehow died by suicide while both guards were asleep and the cameras malfunctioned. Case closed.— Metropolitan Correctional Center, August 10, 2019
What the founders and thinkers said then — and what still applies now
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."Thomas JeffersonLetter to William Stephens Smith, 1787
"When the people shall have nothing more to eat, they will eat the rich."Jean-Jacques RousseauPhilosopher, 1712–1778
"I hope we shall crush in its birth the aristocracy of our moneyed corporations which dare already to challenge our government."Thomas JeffersonLetter to George Logan, 1816
"The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic state itself."Franklin D. RooseveltMessage to Congress, 1938
"We must make our choice. We may have democracy, or we may have wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can't have both."Louis D. BrandeisSupreme Court Justice, 1916–1939
"In the councils of government, we must guard against the acquisition of unwarranted influence by the military-industrial complex."Dwight D. EisenhowerFarewell Address, 1961
Everything you were afraid to ask (they're counting on that)
Is Congress a real public service? Is the DOJ a real justice department? Is "trickle-down economics" a real economic theory? Some things exist more in concept than in practice. We're about as real as the accountability our institutions provide — which is to say, we're aspirational.
Absolutely not. This is political satire in the grand American tradition — from Benjamin Franklin's biting pamphlets to Mark Twain to The Onion. The guillotine is a historical symbol of what happens when the ruling class pushes the people too far. If that makes you uncomfortable, ask yourself which side of the blade you identify with.
Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin actually proposed the device as a humane reform — before it, execution methods varied by social class. Nobles got the sword; commoners got the rope. The guillotine ensured equality. Everyone got the same treatment regardless of title, wealth, or connections. The metaphor writes itself.
Neither. This is an up-vs-down thing. Left and right are what they use to keep us fighting each other while they rob us blind. Congressional insider trading isn't partisan. The Epstein client list isn't partisan. Corporate capture of government isn't partisan. The only side we're on is the people's side.
Our current inventory status: "Coming Soon." Which, coincidentally, is the same status the DOJ has given full Epstein accountability for the past several years. We're sure ours will ship first.
Then you already know our return policy doesn't apply to you. We recommend a good lawyer, a passport to a country without extradition, and perhaps reflecting on your life choices while there's still time to cooperate with actual authorities — assuming they ever ask.
Share this site. Talk about the things they don't want you to talk about. Vote in every election — especially local ones. Support independent journalism. Demand transparency from your representatives. And never, ever let them convince you that outrage is the same as extremism. Outrage is the appropriate response.
Join the mailing list. Share the site. Never stop asking questions. #BringTheBlade
Not that list. A much better one.
THIS WEBSITE IS A WORK OF POLITICAL SATIRE AND PROTECTED SPEECH.
The People's Guillotine (peoplesguillotine.com, bringtheblade.com, offwiththeirheads.app) is a satirical website created for the purposes of political commentary, social criticism, and humor. It is protected under the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, which guarantees the right to free speech, including political satire and parody.
No actual guillotines are being manufactured, sold, offered for sale, or distributed. No actual products of any kind are available for purchase through this website. All "product listings," "prices," and "features" are entirely fictional and exist solely as satirical commentary on institutional corruption and the failures of accountability in American public life.
No threats — actual, implied, or intended — are being made against any individual, group, organization, government official, or public figure. All references to historical events, public figures, and political institutions are made in the context of legitimate political commentary and satire, consistent with longstanding American traditions of political speech, from Benjamin Franklin's satirical pamphlets to modern-day political comedy.
The guillotine is invoked here purely as a historical symbol — specifically, as a symbol of what has historically occurred when ruling classes become so insulated from accountability that peaceful reform becomes impossible. This website advocates for transparency, accountability, and democratic reform through peaceful, legal means — including voting, civic engagement, supporting independent journalism, and demanding transparency from elected officials.
This website does not advocate for, encourage, incite, or condone violence of any kind against any person.
If you are a public official, law enforcement officer, or legal professional reviewing this site: we welcome the scrutiny. We'd welcome it even more if it were directed at the institutions and individuals this site critiques.
For legal inquiries: legal@peoplesguillotine.com
"In a time of universal deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act." — commonly attributed to George Orwell